I have never quite experienced community like I did for two days in a village . 10 people rode with our family to a village two hours away to go to a mutual friends wedding. A car that comfortably fits 5 was bursting at the seems with 13 men, women, and children. Of course, once we arrived at the home of the bride’s family, we didn’t see the men again. The were whisked away to the men’s guest room and given tea and goodies while the women and children were escorted to a room for changing. After I put on my makeup, best jewelry, and fancy new sequin covered outfit the women looked at me and laughed - they couldn’t believe I would consider going to a wedding with so little make up on. After two more rounds of makeup I finally gave up - there is no way I could bring myself to put on the turquise shiny eyeshadow they pushed toward me.

After getting ready and seeing the bride’s new home (a building with three rooms and a bathroom - unheard of for a newly married couple - in a large yard with 5 other family members homes) we left for the wedding. 6 hours later when the ear busting music stopped and we went back to the brides new home for another party, my dari was already strained. The next four hours I just went wherever anyone took me - every woman in the family wanted me to drink tea in her guest room, every child in the family wanted to feel my white skin and pinch EB’s cheeks. Then, after dinner and several long, very personal conversations with different women, I was shuffled off to another room to sleep.  Somehow, this family understood that Db and I could not stay up all night dancing with everyone else (men and women seperate of course) and they gave us our own room as a family. We fell into bed and slept without interuption until 6 in the morning. The minute Db left the room to go find a bathroom, six women and 4 little girls crowded into the room to talk, as if they were standing outside the door waiting for just such an opening. Even after DB came back, they stayed and watched us get ready and tidy our stuff - it was the first time DB had ever seen Afghan women besides our teachers and house helper. This was a true indication of being accepted as family. The rest of the morning, he wasn’t shuffled off seperately, but even sat outside in the yard with the family patriarch to drink tea. We were definitely guests (no one let us cook or clean - food and tea magically appeared before us) but we were family too. DB and I both discussed many deep subjects with our friends, and I believe this excursion will lead to a true deepening of our relationships, and certainly contributed to some shapening of our dari skills!  It was a very difficult few days - lots of new experiences and flexibility required - but totally worth it!